one life . my life

aged 7

2010-06-15T21:20:00.003+08:00

little andrea to alibaba,
"jinghui yiyi don't look happy today."

alibaba, "is that so?"

little andrea, "yah! can't you tell?"

*earlier that evening...

little andrea to me,
"you look very tired."

me, "ya, i am."

-------

somehow i felt comforted when i heard of it.
amazed that it came from a little girl just 7 years of age.
she asks me the most piercing and direct questions everytime we meet,
and i try to shun them everytime.

wonder as we grow older, do we become less sensitive naturally or
do we choose to simply ignore becoz it's easier this way?

i think i am often guilty of the latter.

it's sad when you are next to someone everyday but they don't see you at all.
and then along comes a 7 year old kid...

it's good to be a kid.
growing up clouds all the innocence we once possessed.

(>.<,)

2010-04-26T11:16:00.003+08:00

it seems like there are a lot of things i can be angry about.
life is unfair i guess.
i guess i just cannot come to terms with a lot of things that has happened.
and as each day passes, i find myself more and more angry inside.
i fear that one day, i might just explode.
because there is no way i can release all this pent up anger inside of me.
sadly, i know of none.
spontaneous urge of crying is starting to become a routine.
i fight it back to avoid public embarrassment.

i wish i didn't have to fight so hard.
i wish so much for things to be different.

i have to make it different.
but i know not how...

i know not how...the heart bleeds for itself.

zzz

2010-04-20T10:04:00.001+08:00

need a hug, some TLC and a long long long sleep.

but I never get what I need. sad.

ゴルフ

2010-04-13T10:54:00.000+08:00

i miss my golf.

I miss golf.

believe or not

2010-04-11T22:21:00.003+08:00

perhaps it's not possible to believe anymore.

i want to believe.
or rather, i want to be able to believe.
but perhaps, just perhaps,
part of me doesn't want to believe anymore.

perhaps it's impossible for me to believe again.

believe in goodness.
believe in love.
believe in trust.
believe in bad times not lasting.
believe in you.

i will always remain doubtful.
i don't like it but it's who i am now i'm afraid.

ひみつ

2010-03-27T22:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish there was someone I could tell all these things to...

sometimes I feel as if it's slowly eating me away, and I let it.

and other times, I wished I didn't have anything to tell.

一人で何か寂しいな。。。

thinkthink*

2010-03-19T18:33:00.002+08:00

what would you do if i stopped calling?

what would you do if i stopped talking?

what would you do if you stopped hearing from me?

what would you do if you didn't see me?

would it be okay with you?

would you miss me? would i miss you?

*think*think*
(-.-,)

STOOOOOPID

2010-01-11T15:04:00.002+08:00

this is way way way way way way (to infinity) beyond STUPID!!!

spent the whole morning doing something someone else already did and DID NOT tell me!

!@#$%^&*()

then why ask me to do in the first place?

!@#$%^&*()

GOSH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS is EXACTLY what i was trying to tell you! EXAMPLE EXAMPLE!!!

THIS is why it is SOOOOOOOO bloody frustrating sometimes, becoz NOBODY listens!

and who suffers? the bloody VACUUM CLEANER - ME!

!@#$%^&*()

dread

2010-01-08T10:31:00.001+08:00

it's a dread to come to work lately.

i'm officially dreading work...

...

(-.-,)

2010

2009-12-30T20:07:00.002+08:00

the new year's approaching, 2010.

whole world's talking abt resolutions, new hopes, new whatevers...
on fb, tv, cable, internet, papers...

but as for me, nada.
i feel...blank...inside of me.

B.L.A.N.K

ge10k.2

2009-11-02T19:00:00.002+08:00

GruElling 10k

finished my 10km run yesterday.
my timing for this year:
01:08:29

that's a whipping 10mins difference from last year~!

was really excited at first,
but at the end of the day,
what does it matter how well i did if i don't have anyone to share it with?

i realized, there's no joy if the joy can't be shared.

next year, sub 60? perhaps. perhaps.

|-|-|

2009-10-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

you said,

"i'd rather go through physical pain than 1nov.

i'd rather arrange for a surgery, seriously.

it scares me that i have such thoughts.

but i've realized, for me to think like that,

to have such thoughts...

it just speaks volume of the pain."

i said,

"why are u telling me this?"

you said,

"because we are the same,

u can't help me, i know,

but u would understand."

不明白

2009-10-15T15:16:00.001+08:00

ONE thing i can never comprehend:

HOW do people choose who to value in their lives?

i think:

some people obviously make crappy choices in their lives.

it's just sad...really really really sad.

shite

2009-10-06T10:16:00.003+08:00

i slept,

i woke,

i still feel like waste matter discharged from the bowels.

who cares anyway?

\/\/hatever~

wtf

2009-10-05T16:04:00.003+08:00

suddenly i'm in charge of t&f events as well?!??!?!?!?!??!?!!

what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how about i do accounts as well? and coaching and operations and cleaning.

might as well lah, i bao everything!

o.b.s.t.a.c.l.e

2009-09-25T12:10:00.001+08:00

OBSTACLE

-noun

something that obstructs or hinders progress.

it has been a week only...

the obstacles love me way too much, can be quite disheartening.

first i got chased out of a chipping area which nobody was using because i not atas enough.

then i went to the range and it was closed because the day before was a stupid p.h.

then supposed to have a round of golf and it got cancelled at the last min.

can't help but to let out a sigh...

HIAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH................

i really need to learn to work around all these possible problems.

sometimes i can't help but wonder,

to want to be successful is perhaps a lonely business...

and a long and treacherous road.

i need to be able to envision things ahead of me,

won't be able to keep up if i don't.

what's my prize at the end of the road? hmmm...

belong-ing

2009-09-16T12:55:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel that i don't belong here.

here at work.

amidst all the nonsense that goes around each day, everyday,

i'd always wish i was some place else.

what the !@#$%^&*() am i doing here?

i think maybe the job is no longer gratifying in any sense.

maybe it has never been. i dunno.

here at home.

i've always felt i was different from my parents.

we can never seem to see eye to eye on like 99% of things.

amidst all the arguments that goes on each day, everyday,

i'd always wish i was some place else, alone.

or perhaps in the arms of someone who understands.

being at home has never been gratifying either i think.

never really felt like a home.

so...i more than often wonder...

what am i here for?

this is utterly cuckoo. everything. sigh.

咸鱼

2009-09-07T14:51:00.002+08:00

咸鱼 - 五月天

我是一只咸鱼不想承认也不能否认

不要同情我笨又夸我天真还梦想著翻身

咸鱼就算翻身还是只咸鱼输得也诚恳

至少到最后我还有咸鱼不腐烂的自尊

我没有任何天分

我却有梦的天真

我是傻不是蠢

我将会证明用我的一生

*我如果有梦有没有错

错过才会更加明白明白坚持是什么

我如果有梦梦要够疯

够疯才能变成英雄

总会有一篇我的传说

我不好也不坏不特别出众我只是敢不同

我的人生就是一错再错错完了再从头

也许放弃掉一些活得更轻松我却不再是我

我不愿一生晒太阳吹风咸鱼也要有梦

我没有任何天分

我却有梦的天真

我是傻不是蠢

我将会证明用我的一生

有一天有我的天空

作我的英雄在我的天空

我知道你懂知道你会懂

*******

我那疯狂的梦到底是什么？

也许现在最想要的是。。。

ゴルフプロになりたい。本当だ。

jax

2009-08-13T14:40:00.001+08:00

super model *JAX*

1 pink ball

2009-06-18T15:46:00.003+08:00

the 1 pink ball.

FINALLY~!
i played one round of 18 hole @ seletar without losing any golf balls!!!
i used one ball, and it's still with me now!!! *lol*
love my pink golf ball. (^_^)v

putter

2009-06-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

according to the odyssey online analysis, this putter suits me most.
WHITE HOT TOUR #1 PUTTER

i like. :)

自転車

2009-06-16T00:02:00.002+08:00

欲しいだ！！！

argh~!!!

2009-06-05T16:11:00.001+08:00

argh~!!!

i want a new iron set!!!
ahhhh.....the maruman one................

*dream*

so warm

2009-05-23T12:14:00.002+08:00

it's so warm & humid nowadays...
wish i was in a cooler climate...
escape from the heat, escape from it all...

been watching channel 26 a lot lately...hahaha~
hardly give time for anything else.
i guess it's ridiculous thinking i can balance it all;
jap, golf, work, frens, family, myself, etc...

gosh, it's high time i learn to focus right!!!

somebody, teach me~!!! pleaseee?

aussie craze

2009-04-30T14:58:00.003+08:00

exhausted daniel & muah!!! *grinz*

ナミダ

2009-04-18T22:20:00.002+08:00

the tears have found me again...

in my sleep, in my dreams.

「あいしている、しつれいします。」

the kite runner

2009-03-23T21:10:00.005+08:00

:: the kite runner ::

>>Hassan to Amir...

>>Amir to Sohrab (Hassan's son)...

"For you, a thousand times over."

focus!

2009-03-10T21:00:00.002+08:00

jing the jester

2009-03-09T10:57:00.005+08:00

i am...

just a jester going cold turkey.

消したいな。。。

touched...not.

2009-03-05T16:58:00.003+08:00

for a moment i felt touched...
that maybe...
but nah, what wishful thinking.

sigh...

jing, WAKE UP~!!!

hope - it's a double-edged sword.

i want...

2009-02-24T12:48:00.001+08:00

i want some golf related jewelry.

preferably a pendant...or earrings...

that'd be fun. ^-^ hee.

extraordinary together

2009-02-17T09:54:00.004+08:00

"Because I believe that,

we can be

extraordinary together

rather than ordinary apart

and I wanna be..."

this vday...

2009-02-16T12:12:00.002+08:00

home?

2009-02-08T11:23:00.002+08:00

i'm beginning to find it intolerable to stay at home.
doesn't feel like home to me.
there are soooooo many things i don't like about it here...

very negative.
unsupportive.
messy.
grumbling.
nagging.
quarrels.
lack there of joy.
stifling.

it goes on and on and on....
grrr.........................

one of the many reasons why i yearn so much for you to take me away.
leave this place of misery and just run away.
just this once.
just once.
i wish i could have things my way...

cny flowers 09

2009-01-29T10:55:00.002+08:00

festive season

2009-01-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

festive seasons suck.

after ~4 months...

2009-01-09T19:19:00.003+08:00

there's still room for improvement... :)
だんだん上手になる！
がんばって！

new

2008-12-31T11:57:00.002+08:00

a new year is coming.

i need a new life.

i want a new life.

i want all things new and shiny.

all that stands between now and new is me and old.

when will i let it all go?

fuck lah!
nothing new and shiny is gonna happen,
not to me at least...
everything's gonna be the same.

i'm stuck.

christmas

2008-12-25T11:56:00.002+08:00

i no longer feel christmas-sie, somehow.

i miss the younger days...
the written christmas cards,
wrapped presents,
mystery, celebration,
people, simplicity.

now it's just another public holiday.
no more written christmas cards,
no more wrapped presents,
no more mystery,
no more celebration,
nobody around,
and yet so much more complicated.

i tried.
i'll try again...maybe next year.

flyer

2008-12-19T12:57:00.003+08:00

got the chance to go up the flyer for free the other day *keke*.
not too bad, but probably the view will be better at night and after the IR is complete.

beauty

2008-11-29T21:02:00.002+08:00

*speechless & in awe*

if only i can execute a swing like this, or close...

bystander effect

2008-11-22T08:00:00.004+08:00

attended one of the worst meetings ever yesterday.

about 20 people from different areas of expertise
gathered together to discuss crisis management.

what was shown to us on the screen were empty cells
on a word document all ready to be filled up during the meeting.

it was absolutely inefficient and silly.

suddenly it occurred to me that i was a bystander, and so were many others.
it was no surprise that the bystander effect came into place.
i really wonder sometimes...
how could people of 'high position' allow that to happen?
how could they even think that this is the best way to discuss issues?

sigh...wasted few hours of my life just like that.

the square root of 3

2008-11-08T12:01:00.003+08:00

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed

*movie: harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay*

golf swing

2008-11-06T15:03:00.008+08:00

this was taken during my 9th session of golf at the range.
how does it look? heh... :P

l o s e r

2008-11-05T11:08:00.008+08:00

a new revelation:
apparently, being nice & sweet is

NOT

the way to a man's heart.

just be pretty, wear designer shades, get a tan and wear a sarong can already.

sigh...

ok la, i have to admit,
i'm bitter and yet pining still...
what the f*** rite?

jing is a...
L O S E R !!!

golf

2008-11-04T21:39:00.002+08:00

golf is my new challenge.
was never really interested,
thought it was a dumb sport,
but now...

i'm HOOKED~!!!

i AM lurbin' lurbin' lurbin' it~!!! wheeeeeee~

my lofty dream:
i wanna turn pro before the age of 27~!!! *LOL*

10k...

2008-10-26T22:40:00.004+08:00

GruElling 10k

I made it...alive~!!! hahaha~
completed my first 10k run today! すごい!!!
chip time: 01:18:09

super super super tiring.
good experience, no thanks to the organisers though. ha~!
water points were horrid.
and if it weren't for the cloudy skies,
i think more others would have collapsed along the not-at-all-shady route.
not to mention the multiple slopes along the route as well... :(

maybe i shall aim to finish it in 60mins next year. hahaha~

alright, one challenge down,
now to nurse my aching body...

fairytale or reality

2008-10-17T23:04:00.003+08:00

gosh~!!! what the~?!?!?!?! huh?!?!?!?!!! seriously?!?!?!?!!!?

fairytales and happy endings only happen to other people i guess.

when life is fraught with way too many disappointments,
one eventually stops expecting good things to happen.

you hope.
but hope doesn't always bode well.
just opens up more wounds.

fairytales and happy endings,
not gonna happen.
not to me at least.

GE10K

2008-10-12T21:13:00.004+08:00

collected my race pack.

my first ever 10km run is taking place on 26th October 2008!!!

if i survive this, i can survive anything~!!! hahaha~ yosh~!

but first i need to get rid of this cold i'm having...*brrr*

stooooopid

2008-10-02T11:13:00.005+08:00

my fren's ex left him for another guy,
now she wants him back,
she's stupid.

my fren's ex gave chase for two whole years,
he then left her for another girl several years after,
he's stupid.

i spend my weekends watching his favorite movies,
i do little things in hope to remind him of my mere existence,
he seems ambivalent towards me,
i see him posing in pics with another girl,
she was ugly, very ugly, except she was tan and pretty...
and i pine for him still,
i'm stupid.

"go for it!"

"don't waste your time."

"be true to yourself, don't miss your chance."

"it won't work."

"fight for what you believe in."

"it's just a passing phase."

"you won't know if you don't try."

gosh~!!!
which is it?
when do you decide to walk away?
when do you persevere?

at what point does trying become stooooopid?

dream a little dream of me

2008-09-30T15:23:00.004+08:00

we all remember the bed time stories of our childhoods.
the shoe fit cinderella, the frog turns into a prince,
sleeping beauty is awakened with a kiss.
once upon a time and then they lived happily ever after.
fairytales, the stuff of dreams.
the problem is, fairytales don't come true.
it's the other stories,
the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights
and end in the unspeakable.
it's the nightmares that always seem to become reality.

the person that invented the phrase 'happily ever after'
should have his ass kicked so hard.

once upon a time. happily ever after.
the stories we tell are the stuff of dreams.
fairytales don't come true.
reality is much stormier,
much murkier,
much scarier.
reality - it's so much more interesting than living happily ever after.

*grey's anatomy season 5 episode 1&2*

returning...

2008-09-20T10:21:00.002+08:00

Grey's Anatomy Season 5 is coming!!!

25th September 2008!!!

5 more days!!!

WooHoo~!!!

maybe...

2008-09-15T22:50:00.001+08:00

maybe this, maybe that...

way too many "maybes" nowadays.

maybe it's better to be sure than to be left wondering,
even though the answer may not be favorable.

sigh...maybe.

10 things i hate about you

2008-09-09T11:07:00.006+08:00

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick - It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh - even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you -
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

(ps: i love this part)

*movie - 10 things i hate about you*

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

it's more than 10 things if you ask me. hahaha~
it's sweet nonetheless -
i hate this and that about you but i love YOU still.
kindda like "hate the sin, love the sinner".

very fascinating if you ask me. hahaha~

sorry, i'm laughing a bit too much,
it's not that funny really...
going a bit cuckoo nowadays. ha~! *oops*

i like this part of the movie anyway.
it's nice. ('-')

bamboozled

2008-09-05T21:52:00.002+08:00

jing is all bamboozled right now (x_x)

ahhh...

jing wants to sleep.

one moment pls

2008-09-02T21:18:00.005+08:00

i just need a moment.

one moment.

allow me to turn away and have that one moment.

to attend to my grieving heart,

let the tears fall freely,

and then, maybe...

maybe i....

maybe.

恋空

2008-08-31T00:05:00.004+08:00

｢もしもあの日、きみに出会っていなければ。。。

こんなに涙があふれるような想いはしなかったと思う。

けれど、きみに出会っていなければ。。。

こんなに幸せな気持ちを知る事もできなかったよ。。。｣

*movie: 恋空 koizora (sky of love)*

p.s. i love you

2008-08-30T18:35:00.003+08:00

Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally,
I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon.
But I have a feeling this is the last letter,
because there is only one thing left to tell you.
It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp,
you can take care of yourself without any help from me.
It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me.
You made me a man, by loving me Holly.
And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally.
If you can promise me anything,
promise me that whenever you're sad,
or unsure, or you lose complete faith,
that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes.
Thank you for the honor of being my wife.
I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I.
You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours.
There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one.
Don't be afraid to fall in love again.
Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends.
P.S. I will always love you.

*movie: p.s. i love you*

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

!@#$%^&*()

2008-08-28T10:25:00.006+08:00

YOU ARE A TOTAL ARSE!!!

you don't realize it,
but sometimes, you treat me like how the rest do.
and other times, you treat me worse than you treat the rest.

it makes me sad...and it REALLY pisses me off.

1st training

2008-08-27T16:23:00.002+08:00

signed up for the GE10km happening 26th oct 2008.
this will be my first run ever.
am kindda excited about it.
determined to finish the race in 45mins!!! yosh~!!!
haha~ my colleagues all laughed when i mentioned it.
ok lah, i think it'll be good enough if i manage to finish in about an hour.

finally started training yesterday,
ran 3km in about 21mins.
body aching today...a few months since i last ran i think.
training will continue!
leave a comment here to be my supporter! (^-^)

tried golf for the very first time yesterday as well. haha~!
always wondered where the fun is in this game.
hit one tiny ball then walk far far (or drive the buggy)
to hit it again until it goes into a hole.
seriously, where's the fun?!??!?

anyway, am determined to find out.
but before that, i can only play at the driving range.
quite happy with my first golf experience. (^-^)
jit says i got potential.
uncle yap says i'm not too bad for a first timer.
haha~! maybe i'll be a pro golfer in future.
anyone wants to be my manager? keke.
i'm so full of lofty dreams nowadays.

that's all for today.
next run will be this friday.
cheer me on wherever you are my friends. (^-^)v

skeptic

2008-08-25T12:48:00.002+08:00

despite the disappointments and heartaches,
do i still believe in happily-ever-after?

maybe i don't.
maybe i've become a skeptic.
but maybe...
i do want to believe.

sigh...

scrabulous

2008-08-19T14:06:00.003+08:00

joel "QI"ed me after that too. haha~
quite a "nonstance" game sometimes.

hot wings

2008-08-14T10:59:00.003+08:00

my favorite hot wings tasted different last night.

hmmm...

still tasty but something was just different about it.

i couldn't describe it,
i only felt it.

it was just different. queer.

what i am

2008-08-13T14:19:00.002+08:00

i'm an admin,
i'm a mailer,
i'm a wait-er,
i'm a "cleaner",
i'm a walking dictionary,
i'm a time waster,
i'm a stoner,
i'm lalala...

right now,

i'm everything i don't wanna be.

what do i wanna be?

oh gosh,
what am i doing??!?!?

the ~ships

2008-08-12T22:33:00.003+08:00

what makes two people click?

what makes two people commit?

what makes two people care?

what makes two people cry?

what makes two people chuckle?

what makes two people curse?

what makes the ~ships sail?

what keeps the ~ships from sinking?

maybe they can never sail forever,
there will come a day the ~ships will sink.

puke

2008-08-11T21:07:00.003+08:00

she is a bitch.
the association is a mess.
every man for himself.
my digestive system was problematic from birth.
maybe that's why i find it hard to stomach something like that.

no matter how i look at it,
it doesn't have a trace of sanity nor honor.
it's vile, repulsive and monstrous.
the more i think about it,
the more disgusted i feel,
and the more i don't want to do anything "correct".

i shall be the lazy and unmotivated employee from now on.
i have no loyalty.
i hold no responsibility.
i shall be apathetic.
i shall be inefficient.
i shall know nothing.
i work for myself only.

反正我只是要混口饭吃,
在乎那么多有屁用！

jax day out

2008-08-09T08:53:00.002+08:00

:: 08.08.08 ::
jax's day out with qiunan and jiayi @ the botanical gardens

jax meeting a new friend.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

jax is a "L I C K E R" (quoting joel, heh~).
he licks everybody, human and canine, he meets.

walking a dog and walking alone is a totally different experience.
people are attracted and a conversation strikes easily,
esp between 2 dog owners.
it's kindda nice actually. i really enjoyed it i must say.
hanging out with friends at a cafe in a park, enjoying the evening breeze,
walking my dog, seeing him mingle with other dogs,
it was all nice i must say. tiring but really really nice. (^-^)

绿木

2008-08-04T22:23:00.008+08:00

::我和绿木::

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

i wonder sometimes,
what is it that i desire?
the company of a special someone
or
the company of someone, anyone?

do i make someone special because of the latter?
or
because someone is special and therefore i desire?

do i desire companionship or a companion?
do i compromise because i desire the former more than the latter?

sigh...i begin to fear.
sigh...feel like a slut sometimes.

was i always like that?
or am i in the making?

i dare not answer.

grouchy me

2008-07-22T13:47:00.003+08:00

i'm officially grouchy today!

stuck in a container office alone to do registration,
feeling so darn sleepy after lack of rest for more than 2 weeks.
thinking of all the complains that i have to handle
really makes me wonder why do i have to go through all these.
everyone should just shut the f*** up and get lost.
seriously!

ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't like being pushed around,
especially when there's no good reason to.
maybe i let myself get pushed around,
but i don't like to be a bitch either.

sigh...

i don't think i've been more tempted to spit more
vulgar language out my entire life than the last 2 weeks.
ok ok, i did spit quite a bit out over the last 2 weeks.
i've never referred anyone as a bitch that much either.
if a customer and client can get me to refer to them as a bitch,
they must, really, in fact, BE ONE.

at this moment, this very moment,
i'm not the least bit happy about anything around me.

i'm grouchy and i'm unhappy.

i need to be cheered up.

sigh...

quick updates

2008-07-18T12:52:00.002+08:00

been so busy lately, still am.
here are some quick updates...keke...

- jax is growing fast. still naughty. but just simply adorable when he's well-behaved. ha~!

- busy at work dealing with freaking irresponsible women who can be real bitches. seriously irresponsible and just want a scapegoat for their own mistake. sigh. i hope i'll never be one of these women.

- met a cute australian at a farewell party for one of my colleagues. he's got the McDreamy vibes. *awww* everybody's offering me his number but i refused coz i know i won't call. i'm shy.

- can't believe i'm summing up my recent life in point form. haha~

till next time, hope everyone's fine. take care :D

jax

2008-06-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

jax has arrived~!!! (^.^)v

i've been cleaning up after him for the past two hours.
he's finally rested *phew*

other than being an attention seeker,
he's really pleasant.
can't wait for him to grow up~! hee...

the choice

2008-06-18T19:24:00.005+08:00

i wonder...
how long does it take to make a choice?

a second?..........

a minute?...........

...................................an hour?

...................a day?

...............................................................a month?

........................................................a year?

a.........................................................................l i f e t i m e?

yes, it very much depends on what kind of a choice we are making.
it would be disastrous if every meal was turned into writing a 100 page thesis.
so, there must be some kind of hierarchy that our brains have learned,
possibly through experiences, over the years for us to make decisions,
to choose.
this hierarchy helps us to make everyday decisions within a split second even.
a choice made in a second may just affect ones lifetime.

a choice, by its very nature, concerns at least 2 possibilities.
we all know more than often we can't have everything so,
how do we make our choices everyday?
how do we choose one over the other?
or maybe the question should be:
WHY do we choose one over the other?
is it instinctive or carefully thought out?

the hierarchy:
depends on where our priority lies.
which depends on what we have come to deem as important in our life.
which is pretty much a choice we have already made earlier on so...

the choice:
possibly just a simple weigh of all possibilities presented.
you choose the one that weighs the most in your heart.

some may disagree.
it's more complicated than that.

but is it really?
or are we saying it's complicating just to say it's excusable and
to evade taking responsibilities for the choices we made?

maybe sometimes, it really is just that simple.
you choose what's more important to you. period.
you follow your heart, follow your instinct.

the instinct:
our instincts may just be the one to betray us.
the one to reveal our true hierarchy.
the instinct is the one that helps us make split second decisions -
to swerve left or right when faced with an imminent danger.
swerve left, you take the direct hit.
swerve right, you just let your best friend die in a crash.
(i didn't make this example up, some psychology fella did)

i think i just died today. again.

i died.

and now i have a choice to make.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

WOOF~!

2008-06-09T12:29:00.003+08:00

this is jax. *woof*woof*
this little dearie is gonna be a new addition to my family soon~! \(^-^)/

puppy

2008-06-03T10:45:00.002+08:00

these pups just melt my heart and make me smile somehow.

been looking around for a puppy to adopt.
choosing between a beagle and a mini schnauzer.

sigh...
people keep telling me how difficult it is to keep a pet.
and i wonder...
am i really that unreliable?

do they tell me because they think i don't know what i'm getting myself into?
and hence the kind reminder.

OR

do they think i'm not capable enough to care for another living thing?
and hence the condescending reminder.

sigh...

in their eyes, am i just a pup trying to care for another pup?

and is there ever really a good time to keep a pet? to follow one's dreams?
hmmm...perhaps. perhaps not.
i mean, if we are always just waiting for the right time,
will it ever come?
or do we have to take the leap of faith and make it happen?

instead of focusing on the problems,
why can't they focus on solving the problems?

seriously, am i really that unreliable?

sigh...

question

2008-06-01T20:04:00.002+08:00

Question:

people who blast their music on their handphone -
extrememly generous or extremely selfish?

my jap teacher was kindda appalled when
she noticed people doing that on trains and buses here.
she said that in japan, it's against the rule to use
mobile phones while commuting on trains,
esp near the seats for the elderly (guess why*).
and even when people use, they'd whisper and
only the 'bad' ones would talk at the top of their voices.

on my way home today,
two girls were blasting their music with their handphone
and singing along as well.
sigh...
i wish train rides were more comfortable and peaceful in singapore.

*to prevent any interruption with pacemakers. how thoughtful ya? ha~!

freedom in trust

2008-05-28T00:20:00.006+08:00

candles lined up like blueprints of a house - how sweet is that? *awww*

Meredith:
I'm still mad at you and I don't know if I trust you,
I wanna trust you, but I don't know if I do.
So I'm just gonna try, I'm gonna try and trust you.
Because I believe that, we can be extraordinary together
rather than ordinary apart and I wanna be...

*der & mer kiss*

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting him not to."
- John Albert Halili

i think...
the freedom in trust lies in the capacity to love.

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

fear...
fear scares love away.

1st celeb photo

2008-05-21T10:18:00.002+08:00

my cheap thrill last night *lol*
he's actually my colleague's friend and
hence the above very embarrassing moment;
'forced' to take a pic together, ha~!

for those who don't recognize him,
he is Calvin Soh from the previous Dreamz FM 梦飞船.

when can i take a pic with jay???

*wishin' & hopin'*

hmmm...

2008-05-18T10:28:00.012+08:00

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy:

am I or the others crazy?"

- Albert Einstein

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

this is still my fav scene of all time...feels nice...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqf6at7fqf8

...feels nice to have someone who knows you...

...who gets you...

j u s t knows & gets you.

iron+man

2008-05-17T10:50:00.003+08:00

as "interpreted" by my sensei. simply cracked us all up.

ハーハーハー〜！！！(^-^)

bang!

2008-05-06T18:42:00.003+08:00

funny how people can hurt you even when you stay out of their way.

it's just like cycling home from work just now.
a little girl was cycling towards me,
i tried to keep to the edge of my side to give her more space to ride,
but she still managed to swerve and bang right into me at the last minute~!!!
...
and now i have a bruise on my left hand.

sigh...

why uh?
really cannot understand.

destined to be hurt in this cursed world.
can't fight it, can't escape it.
just have to ride through it.

sorry?

2008-05-05T13:58:00.002+08:00

what the !@#$%^&*() does "sorry" mean?

it's just a word that we misuse ghastly now.

it actually means nothing if not accompanied
by a conviction/action to change things thereafter.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

right now, i hate work~!
hate hate hate~!!!

does anybody...?

2008-05-04T22:43:00.001+08:00

:: does anybody hear her? - casting crowns ::

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

Never even met her

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

voiceless

2008-04-29T21:02:00.003+08:00

today is the third day without my voice (whisper doesn't count).
sunday, monday, tuesday.
i think being able to talk is such a wonderful thing,
yet not being able to has its perks as well actually...hee.
hmmm... i think i still prefer being able to talk~! ha~!
but of course coupled with the wisdom to know
what to say and what not,
when to say and when not.

O voice, voice!
wherefore art thou voice?

enchanted

2008-04-21T10:33:00.003+08:00

Giselle the 'princess'

Robert the 'prince'

the 'royal ball'

watched this show the other day,
i think it's really really really nice o(^.^)o
a fairy tale yet not at the same time.
witty lines & strange but yet charming characters (McDreamy...heh).
basically just going back to basics about love i think.
makes one sing, makes one angry, makes one change, makes one realize...
in a world place where there are no happy endings,
maybe there can be...but only if...

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Giselle: [singing to Robert] How does she know...
Giselle: You love her? How does she know...
Giselle: She's yours?
Giselle: [speaks] Well, does she?

Giselle: Is that the only word you know? "No?"
Robert: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, No!
Giselle: "No! No! No!" Over and over! When you keep saying "No!" it just makes me so... Sometimes you make me so!... angry.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

i like fairy tales, maybe i'm naive, i dunno.
i just like the apparent simplicity of it.
so simple, so uncorrupted, so uncomplicated...
just happily ever after...

too bad i live in the real world.
maybe there really ain't no such thing as a happily ever after.

maybe.

songs

2008-04-17T16:59:00.002+08:00

i used to write songs...
then somehow i stopped...

i remember the exhilaration i felt
each time i completed a song...

but it all seems to have faded away...
faded along with...

i still think about it now and then,
wondered if i should try to pen something down.

was just reminded about song writing,
and reminded of how fun it used to be,
yet the memories bring along with it a subtle pain.

maybe that's why i stopped...
coz it no longer held the same meaning and emotions.

i still dream though...
maybe one day...

maybe.

K.M.A

2008-04-14T22:33:00.003+08:00

damn pissed today !@#$%^&*()
seriously~!?!?!??!

why are the dumb ass people up there
drawing such high pay?!?!!!

after eden,
the world has indeed become such
an imperfect and senseless place to inhabit.

Oei~! you can jolly well Kiss My Ass lah *&^%$#@!

who am i

2008-04-11T14:29:00.005+08:00

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

I am yours.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

*i ought to be...yours*

ps: thanks gim~!

cold & warm

2008-04-07T15:41:00.003+08:00

something interesting happened yesterday.
we usually have this short time during service
whereby we will greet people sitting around us
with a handshake and a smile,
and sometimes use suggested greetings by our witty pastor.
yesterday, this old lady shook my hand
(with both her hands) and then commented,
"you have very cold hands, but you have a warm heart."
and she smiled at me.
i didn't really catch what she said at first,
then i turned around and asked gim,
who was laughing by now, what did the old lady say.
i then smiled back at the old lady,
feeling a little warmer under the blasting air-con.

quite an unusual thing to hear yea?
we both thought she was quite cute and nice.
i mean, usually when people shake my cold hands,
they'd just go, "wah~! your hands very cold!"
and then maybe try to let go quickly as though
in fear that i would freeze them or something if they held on any longer.

somehow the old lady's words just kept playing through my mind,
and i ask myself, "is it true? or is my heart actually as cold as my hands?"

how long has it been since...?

g a p

2008-04-01T17:25:00.004+08:00

my new hoodie from GAP (kid's section!!! hahaha) ~!!!
got it while shopping with pj yesterday!
we had a great time shopping at the kid's section,
and good finds too...fitting & cheaper! ha~!
i just loveeeeeee hoodies.
buy me a nice hoodie & put a smile on my face (^-^)v
love love love hoodieeeeeeesssssss.......!!!!!!!

love naught

2008-03-23T09:32:00.003+08:00

i think...

when people say they love you,
what they're actually saying is this,
"i love you. but oh, only in the good times."

it seems that when in the bad times,
it's like as if people have the "entitlement" to just want out of
the kinship, relationship, friendship and whatever-ship there is...

whatever happened to the good ol' "i love you."???
unconditional. unchanging. unwavering.
the once cherished has been diminished to naught.

i think...

since when people say they love you,
what they're actually saying is this,
"i love you. but oh, only in the good times."

then...

don't be a fool and believe in love.

ken lee

2008-03-18T16:00:00.003+08:00

who's ken lee? hee...no, ken lee is not a new guy in my life...keke.
joel showed me this vid...check it out :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQt-h753jHI&feature=related

actual lyrics:

No I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t give
I can’t give anymore

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

ken leee...tulibu dibu douchoo...

i'm just so amused...hahaha...

damage case

2008-03-12T01:37:00.002+08:00

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop.
A chip here, a crack there.
Doing damage to ourselves, to other people.
The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we've done,
or that's been done to us.
Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise.
Sometimes we think we can fix the damage.
And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see.

We're all damaged, it seems.
Some of us, more than others.
We carry the damage with us from childhood,
then as grownups, we give as good as we get.
Ultimately, we all do damage.
And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can.

[grey's anatomy s2ep24]

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

The scary and damaged may actually be more than anyone can handle...

isight

2008-03-11T09:24:00.002+08:00

hang out with my brudder @ the airport...

:: nonstance @ starfucks :: 09.03.2008 ::

quiet

2008-03-03T09:02:00.004+08:00

sid woke today,
opened his eyes & stared at his phone.
he checked for any messages or missed calls like he always does...

none.

he put it down and let out a chuckle almost involuntarily.
it's almost morbid, the way he laughs at himself at times.
he heaved a sigh of quiet disappointment and confusion.
his heart felt heavy, it was somehow aching.

he stared at his quiet phone...
it looked peaceful laying beside him,
yet its disturbance was his comfort...
but it didn't bring him any.

he got out of bed unwillingly.

it was time.
time to quit dreaming and hoping.
time to get on with his less than perfect life.

threat & warning

2008-02-28T13:57:00.001+08:00

saw the following post on gim's site,
thought it was a good one & hence posting it here...

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

In loving relationships,
people warn one another of the
inevitable consequences of foolish behavior.

In unhealthy relationships,
people threaten one another with punishment
if they fail to live up to unreasonable demands.

Warnings are expression of love;
Threats are expression of control.

:: Our Daily Bread ::

v'day 2008

2008-02-17T09:55:00.004+08:00

some of the bouquets i did for this year... pretty??? hahaha...
i think i managed to balance quality and profit quite well this time (^-^)v

a few testimonials i received (i didn't receive any complaints, yay~!!! lol):
zp: "i saw the flowers, very nice. good job."

k: "hey juz to let u know dat yr flowers r v nice, my wife likes them."

d: "hey, very nice! wa, u make the flowers look expensive."

this is what makes arranging flowers happy;
i can help someone make their loved ones happy.
that makes me happy. (^.^)

---, 2008 -- cny '--{@

2008-02-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

for grandma:

for aunt jass:

for xiaogu:

hopefully it's getting better...hahaha...u think?

eh???

2008-02-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

apparently i said something to gim before which i obviously don't recall,
but she does...and she used what i said to her back at me...

what was shocking:
1 - huh?!?!! i said that??? sure or not? it came from me?
2 - she still remembers what i said~!!?!?

here's the gist of our conversation quite some time ago...
gim: "it's a pity it's not him."
me: "no, u're wrong, when u say that u r not trusting God
and that He has the best plan for you."

somehow, at this point, i just don't see me saying things like that...
hence, all the more it felt strange when she reminded me of
what i said to her previously.
but i'm glad she threw that statement back at me yesterday.
really apt for now...

grieve for the loss,
but be comforted that she's with God now.
i guess it's no pity for He knows what's best.
goodbye my friend.

Amen.

if love were enough

2008-01-31T18:06:00.000+08:00

u fought a good fight.
that's all that matters.
u're safe now.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

how is it like...?
to not be able to see someone anymore...

i was too young when 3 of my grandparents and my aunt passed away...
i don't think i knew what death meant...
and what it means to not be able to see someone anymore...

how will it be like...?

i don't have an answer...yet.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

*conversation between guy who just lost his fiancee and derek*

derek: she asked me to tell you that uh... (*derek pauses*)
derek: she wanted you to know that if love were enough...
that if love were enough, that she'd still be here with you.

*grey's anatomy s02ep06*

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

in this episode derek was supposed to choose between
addison (his wife who cheated on him) and meredith (current girlfriend).

he chose the former.

love is not enough.

fragile

2008-01-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

mortal life is so fragile.
so fragile...

u looked so frail,
i almost couldn't recognize.
u drifted in and out of consciousness,
breathed so hard through your mouth,
fighting for every single breath the rest of us takes for granted.

u teared...
i don't know why,
i don't know what they meant,
and u couldn't explain to me.

as i held ur hand,
u didn't clutch back.
i tried to smile at u,
hoping to bring comfort,
but i don't know if it helps.

mortal life is fragile,
but there is hope.

hang in there.

one life . my life

aged 7

(>.<,)

zzz

ゴルフ

believe or not

ひみつ

*think*think*

STOOOOOPID

dread

2010

ge10k.2

|-|-|

不明白

shite

wtf

o.b.s.t.a.c.l.e

belong-ing

咸鱼

jax

1 pink ball

putter

自転車

argh~!!!

so warm

aussie craze

ナミダ

the kite runner

focus!

jing the jester

touched...not.

i want...

extraordinary together

this vday...

home?

cny flowers 09

festive season

after ~4 months...

new

christmas

flyer

beauty

bystander effect

the square root of 3

golf swing

l o s e r

golf

10k...

fairytale or reality

GE10K

stooooopid

dream a little dream of me

returning...

maybe...

10 things i hate about you

bamboozled

one moment pls

恋空

p.s. i love you

!@#$%^&*()

1st training

skeptic

scrabulous

hot wings

what i am

the ~ships

*puke*

jax day out

绿木

grouchy me

quick updates

jax

the choice

WOOF~!

puppy

question

freedom in trust

1st celeb photo

hmmm...

iron+man

thinkthink*

puke