5.29.2007
easier?
it's easier to be angry & resentfulit's easier to turn & walk away
it's easier to take things for granted
it's easier to give up
it's easier to be self-centered
it's easier to be selfish
it's easier to live for urself
it's easier to be lazy
it's easier to be irresponsible
it's easier to lie
it's easier to be bad
it's easier to not try
it's easier to be weak
it's easier to whine & complain
it's easier to gossip
it's easier to accept gossip
it's easier to be wrong
it's easier to be someone else
...
...
...
why do we always seem to choose the easy way out?
how ironic...
the easy choices we make each day
is what makes life way harder.
life's not meant to be like this...it's not.
Posted by jing at 5/29/2007 01:09:00 PM
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5.27.2007
catch-22 x 2
life is really full of catch-22 nowadays...i stayed away,
but yet somehow still managed to get
tumbled into the vicious tornado,
really stumped...
it makes it all the harder to swallow actually.
well, since God allowed it to happen,
He will see thru it then.
right?
i'm gonna relax and not bother so much.
it's not worth it.
i'll just let You fight this fight for me ok?
thanks.
Posted by jing at 5/27/2007 11:51:00 PM
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5.21.2007
testimony to a swine
a testimony:"oh, you're still alive?!?!??
i thought you'd be dead by now.
you ought to be you know...
it may just be better for everyone.
you should stop trotting around,
you're staining people's lives.
especially mine.
they don't know it yet, but i do.
what are you staring at?
you don't have the right to judge me!
you don't have the right to judge how
i chose to repair what you broke and
trampled upon without regard.
you're just a swine,
yet you trot around with your head held high,
like you deserve something.
wait, what's that behind you?
is that your heart?
did you just pooped it out of your behind?
it's dangling there...
ewww...gross!!!
has it been there all this while?
it has?!?!!! and you've been trying to hide it?
oh, i get it now...
all these flashy stunts you've pulled,
they're just a cover-up, a facade,
without it, people would recognize you as just a swine;
a swine with its heart dangling by its behind.
they wouldn't like you, you know,
if they knew the real you -
a swine with no heart.
we tried to love you,
but you betrayed us...
you didn't seek forgiveness,
neither were you repentant.
you just kept trotting on, feigning it all.
i guess you can't help it,
afterall, you don't have a heart in you."
Posted by jing at 5/21/2007 02:17:00 PM
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5.18.2007
妹妹
《妹妹》－ 光良词：娃娃
曲：林宥佐
你笑说风好大
没说两句话
泪就像雨落下
好好哭一哭有没有带走
眼里那颗沙
看着你在挣扎
还是爱着他
说什么话都多余啊
爱情像个长假
再美的回忆
结束了还是要回家
不管是苦涩还是甜蜜
忘了他他是个傻瓜
他不值得你
还为他流泪牵挂
有太多好男人是你的选择啊
想再看到你笑的灿烂如花
忘了他我的妹妹啊
虽然他也是
我最喜欢的朋友啊
我打算从此再也不见也不理会他
我们把他忘了吧
你说你不怪他
你还是会想他
对爱你已不再有想法
成长的痛苦
原来有那么多的代价
_*_*_*_
i still remember the first time i heard this song,
i liked it instantly.
i guess it represented a deep longing in me,
seeded a long time ago, a desire which grows and burns,
a yearning so great yet never fulfilled.
the story, heart wrenching yet heart warming.
a bond so close that you could almost feel the pain of the other,
and that alone forces you to just jump right in,
spread your wings, and wrap them around her.
to protect, to comfort, to stand by her, and to stand up for her,
regardless...all simply because you feel her pain.
(just one such individual would suffice...)
i'm not sure how many of us actually have such an experience,
but it sure must feel safe and warm when you do come across it.
i wonder how often do we actually stand up for one another?
or do we just simply stand by?
i recall some time ago someone was ranting about how
ashamed he was of others, simply because they
failed to stand up for someone in need of help.
so many people witnessed the commotion but
everyone just stood by and watched a stranger get hurt.
i wasn't surprised at all;
it was simply a bystander's effect, diffusion of responsibility.
besides, come on, if we can even stand by and
watch our own friends and loved ones (so we think and proclaim)
get hurt and not say a thing nor do anything about it,
and just pretend everything's gonna be alright in due time,
and carry on with our fine and dandy lives,
what more can we say about a complete stranger?
if we fail to even protect the ones we say we care about,
or am supposed to care about, seriously,
how likely is it then that we will risk ourselves for a complete stranger?
that we confront the other regardless of our own safety?
no, we just want to play it nice,
be the nice one who's understanding to all...
we do not realize what this haste can cost us,
cost others...
often, we just take the easy way out,
coz it's always easier to look the other way.
we're like infants;
thinking if something's not in sight,
it therefore doesn't exists.
we just did things the easier way;
looking away...
_*_*_*_
i don't want to look away anymore...
...
i wish you wouldn't too...
...
when we look away,
think about who we are turning our backs to...
Posted by jing at 5/18/2007 10:23:00 AM
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5.17.2007
catch-22
Catch-22 is a term coined by Joseph Heller in his novel Catch-22 ,describing a paradox in a law, regulation or practice
in which one is a victim regardless of the choice he makes.
A familiar example of this circumstance
occurs in the context of job searching.
In moving from school to a career,
one may encounter a Catch-22
where one cannot get a job without work experience,
but one cannot gain experience without a job.
In words, Catch-22 can be expressed as:
"C requires (is implied by) A and B;
If A then not B; If B then not A".
In formal Propositional logic symbolism this can be expressed as
'(A ^ B) => C, where (A => ¬B) and (B => ¬A)'.
[info from wikipedia]
_*_*_*_
in my context, Catch-22 can be expressed as:
in order to have good health (outcome C),
i must not have recurrence of adhesive i/o (proposition A)
and go for another op (proposition B).
If i have i/o (A) then i can't go for op i.e.(¬B).
But if i go for op (B) then i will (most likely) have recurrence of i/o i.e.(¬A).
Thus i can never have good health (C cannot occur).
...Catch-22 indeed...
Posted by jing at 5/17/2007 12:30:00 PM
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5.16.2007
once & again
my morning cycle...somebody was drying his/her clothes in the park??!?!?
cloudy skies...ray of light...
i love pink...
peaceful. i think i should go cycle more often...
Posted by jing at 5/16/2007 12:42:00 PM
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5.14.2007
h.o.m.e
admitted: 8th may 2007, ~1030pmdischarged: 13th may 2007, 1pm
been tagged.
red: drug allergy
pork porridge
plain porridge with steam fish, vege and papaya
comparatively i think this episode wasn't as bad as its precedents.
like gim said, treat it as a detox session.
i hope i lost some weight there. ha!
the food's not as bad as i remembered too,
it's still not fantastic but better than before.
big thanks to all who came to visit
and all who kept me in thoughts and prayers -
your presence (in person & thought) warmed my heart. :)
to A:
you will probably never know this but
you definitely made my day when you called, twice!
it was just so sweet of you.
those times, you were the best! you still are!
and i was beaming! \(.^_^.)/
and still am whenever i think about it.
well, one wave gone, another's on its way...and much more...
fighting on~!
Posted by jing at 5/14/2007 12:15:00 PM
|
5.11.2007
what?!?!?
9th may 2007something so shocking happened...
something i never expected to hear at all...
it came, reached my ears,
i thought at first i heard wrongly,
but i didn't...she really said what she said...
@ SGH ward 57 room 24 bed 6
aunty at bed 5, was ran over by a drunk driver
about a week ago while waiting at the bus stop.
she suffered fractures to her left leg and broke a few ribs.
what she said to me (in mandarin) -
"i'm very envious of you,
you don't seem to be in pain
nor have any..."
if i can recall, this is probably the 1st hospital stay ever
that another patient has made such a comment.
this is also the 1st hospital stay that i really didn't
suffer as much as before, coz it was just a mild recurrence...
still...to hear what she said to me simply
just knocked me off balance in that moment...
i never ever thought i have anything to be envious about at all...
especially not on hospital grounds...
i guess she just didn't see and don't know about the times i suffered,
perhaps even much worse than her...
maybe if she had known what i had gone thru thus far,
she would think twice about her statement.
gim would know, right gim? ha!
staying up all night puking non stop for several days,
one operation after another,
one admission after another,
it just doesn't seem to stop,
so, seriously,
what's there to be envious about?
and i'm not yet even a quarter of a century old...
my multiple conditions have strained relationships,
interrupted work, interrupted life in general i think...
so, really,
what's there to be envious about?
*think think think*
nothing's coming up...
i guess ultimately pain can't be quantified;
it's an individual experience.
it can depend on so many factors -
your past experiences, your threshold,
your beliefs, your expectations,
your reaction, your mental well-being,
your age, your race, your gender etc etc etc...
my pain scale probably differs from yours,
there's no plane level for comparison at all.
no one else can go thru pain for us,
only we ourselves can.
so just ride it thru and hope for the best i guess...
that it'll fade away soon enough before
it eats us away till more than we can bear.
pain...it's actually a good thing afterall,
it's a signal, an SOS, telling us there's something wrong,
so we can hopefully react to it in time.
pain...it has its benefits too,
despite how much anxiety it invokes.
pain...u just gotta hang in there sometimes,
coz when it passes, u'll know...
it'll be sunshine after the rain.
Posted by jing at 5/11/2007 12:42:00 PM
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5.07.2007
what's it gonna be?
for goodness sake,take care of me if You intend to keep me alive.
otherwise, just take me home.
coz this is as far as i wanna go.
i'm weak and i'm exhausted.
もういい！！！
Posted by jing at 5/07/2007 04:37:00 PM
|
5.06.2007
ice3
.: tropicana sorbet with peach liquor :.
absolute yum yum \(^.^)/
very satisfied with our trip to ice3 (ice cube) today...heh...
we ate alot today i think...
hotdogs, prata, bee hoon goreng,
waffle with ice cream, ice cream with liquor...
ooo...we were satisfied, completely!
definitely gonna go back next time...
i wanna try the other ice cream flavors...yummy~!
Posted by jing at 5/06/2007 02:21:00 AM
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5.04.2007
desire
Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have.Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out.
Desire can wreck your life.
And as tough as wanting something can be,
the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want.
[grey's anatomy s3ep21]
_*_*_*_
i can think of another group of people who may suffer the same way -
people who can't decide what they should do.
not knowing what you want can indeed be agonizing,
but not knowing what option to take
when presented with choices with equal risks and all...
like torn between... go left or right? stay or move forward?
how do you decide? is there a formula for such knotty questions?
a way to work out an answer?
hmmm...
guess that's why sometimes people say you've just gotta go by faith.
hmmm...
even so... how does anyone decide?
can't procrastinate, can't decide...
どう？
どう？
どう？
Posted by jing at 5/04/2007 11:43:00 PM
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5.01.2007
タイヨウのうた
...信じること 迷うことも
立ち止まることも全部
私が今 ここで生きてる
答えかもしれない
モノクロの毎日が
色づいてゆくように
笑って 泣いて 君と出会えて
続く 未来は 輝いていた
ひまわり揺れる タイヨウの下で
私のまま 明日を歌うよ
...
everything that i believe,
everything that i'm perplexed about,
and everything that stands still,
the fact that i'm still living now
might be the answer to them all.
the colors are going to change
the monochromatic days.
laughing, crying, meeting you by chance,
the future continued to shine so brightly.
the sunflower swaying under the sun,
i'll still be singing of tomorrow.
これからタイヨウの下で
生きている。。。
新しい未来へ行きたい。。。